Lecturer On Life Pillows

'Let me through, I'm a doctor of philosophy ...'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

Eternal Student.

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Make a lot of money."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Scarcity

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

"Call me?"

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

K9 Literati

"Always with the String Theory."