Learning To Read Gifts

How to read book.

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

Child lifting alphabet blocks.

'Look Tom, Look. It is good. Yes. Good. The End. Published by Kaledoscopic Enterprises. 437 Schermerhorn Boulevard.'

"So you can do your homework. That's why you have to learn to read and write."

"The secret to speed reading is skipping every other page."

A child climbs on a stack of books to reach a large metal key.

It's a picture book. The words aren't called "subtitles."

'When I was ready to read, they taught me to tie my shoes - when I was ready to tie my shoes, they taught me to read.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'If you never learn to read you'll never be able to send or read text messages.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"But this book is just the alphabet all jumbled up..."

"When I agreed to learn the ABC's, I thought D through Z would be optional."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Occu-Pie Mars

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Anti-Agent

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Staff support"

Copycats