Layoff Navigator T-Shirts

'I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Crisis'

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'You can't fire me! I'm too big to fail!'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

For sale

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Career advice from the boss

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

Out Box

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

We have plenty of people here to push paper. I need someone new to push the envelope.

'The salary isn't much, but the expense account to entertain the boss, ohh-la-la!'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'My life is around here somewhere.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

'A strong point in your favour is that you're not over-qualified!'

"You seem to be intelligent and hardworking ... that could be a problem."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

'We offer no perks. We consider a job a perk.'