Laughs At The Absurdity Of Life T-Shirts

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

"I need to tinkle."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Missing my hair.

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'Oh dear.'

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

"I'm thinking of going back to work now I've had kids beat me up"

'May I see some photo ID?'

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'I used to be self-employed, but I got fired!'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

REcalculating...

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Ok Mr. Mosley, before we go, would you fill in these forms and complete the questionnaire - not forgetting to leave feedback regarding your judgement-day experience. . ."