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"I think I will go try my luck at the non race specific jacl tables before we hit the buffet."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Tequila Mockingbird

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Shall I be mother?

'Henry, cut that out.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Beer Lunch

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

"What?!"

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Under New Mismanagement

Make your own bottled water.

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Sawrd Fighting

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."

"What?"

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."