Kitchen Safety T-Shirts

'I've told you a hundred times! NEVER PUT METAL IN THE MICROWAVE!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Cutting onions

According to this report 90 of household accidents take place in the kitchen.

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'I think the 'Super soft safety knife' may be a H&S step too far!'

'If you need any advice or guidance feel free to ask me, I've got a qualification!'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Too much cilantro

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Salt and Pepper

'Let's see what else will explode in the microwave!'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

The Perfect Foil

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Cookery Lesson.

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Entertainment systems

A Matryoshka dolls putting an oven in an oven

"You have arrived at your destination."

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

ABsurd semi-automatic breakfast maker