Kingdom Keys Pillows

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'How about a game of cards?'

'The Burrito King.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'You're reordering your priorities? -- Since when do you have priorities?'

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'He followed me home, Dad -- can I oppress him?'

"If I have this peanut in my pocket, it means I must have buried my keys!"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"What good is power if you don't use it?"

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'What do you mean you lost the keys?'

'Is this what you're looking for?'

Man with piano in bath - "It's not the singing I'm complaining about."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

'What do you mean you've misplace the keys?'

Keyboard in Heaven

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

The Mosskeytoe.

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'