Jolly Storyteller T-Shirts

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Fleas Navidad.

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Merry Christmas"

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

How I met your mother

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Daughters at Bedtime

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Bull Pen

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

A feminist Christmas.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Maybe this year..."

Knight before Christmas

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Elf of the Month