Jokester With A Taste For Salads Prints

'The flowers look good.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Bangers and Mash

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

International House of Excrement

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

Chez Homework

Eye Bank.

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

"I can recommend the steak if you've got your own teeth."

'Nice Touch!'

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

'I'll have a BLT.' 'ASAP or PDQ?'