Jokester With A Taste For Salads Prints

'The flowers look good.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Bangers and Mash

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

International House of Excrement

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"I can recommend the steak if you've got your own teeth."

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'Nice Touch!'

'I'll have a BLT.' 'ASAP or PDQ?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."