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Job Safety - Hockey Pool.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"What's your occupation?"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"Stupid bean counter!"

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

Will work for question marks.

Barrier around water cooler

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'Bad news and good news, Tomano... they're abolishing my job and I'm taking yours.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

"Your job will be to furnish the office with fresh fish on a daily basis."

"Have you ever been arrested?"

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

"Do you ever feel like you're just here for the paycheck?"

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'