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Help Wanted

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

In and Out Sourced.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

Between Offices

"I don't like your application."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'