Job Seeker On Maternity Leave Prints

Women on maternity leave have reduced access to online recruitment.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Supermom.

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

How are you at decision making?

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Balancing work and family

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

In and Out Sourced.

"First break since 2008."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I don't have time for throwing up.'