Job Pessimist T-Shirts

Insecurity Guards

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Pessimists v Optimists.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Tom's last day.

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Die alone"

'Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full -- I see it as taxable!'

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

Gonna Suck

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

Y2K Solutions Inc.

'Turned out nice again.'

"Ambitions... to be proved wrong."

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

This will be a banner day for you!

Things are never as bad as they seem - they're usually much, much worse.

'You know, that Lenny is a real 'glass half empty' kind of guy...!'

'So when I couldn't pay the mortgage, the bank offered me this rescue package!'

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

The end of the world is nigh.