Job Offer Enthusiast T-Shirts

'...plus, an annual molting leave!'

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Resume Dumpers

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

Now hiring.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."