Job Jargon Aficionado T-Shirts

"I've just got back the job description for your new assistant."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

Terms and conditions on the mount