Job Application Strategist Prints

The good, the bad & the ugly.

"Give me a hug. I can tell a lot about a man by the way he hugs."

'It explodes in the atmosphere, spreading your resume across the earth.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Do you have any other skills?

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

Resume Dumpers

Employment recruitment aptitude test

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"