Jargon Decipherer Mugs

Translating Contractor to English

"Can you do another draft of this? There's still a couple of sentences people might understand..."

'Just to be clear: Which one of you is Mumbo and which one is Jumbo?

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"This letter is brief, clear and concise, do it again!"

Bernanke follows in Greenspan's footsteps.

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Developing links within business.

"I'm sure she'll be back soon. She's just somewhere integrating awareness about something."

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

"Come on into my office, twitters, and let's get right down to mumbo jumbo"

"The Company has drawn a line under me and moved on."

"Blah blah-blah, duh blah diddily uumph...Read that back to me please, Stephanie."

Bureaucrat

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'For legalese, press three...'

'We need to ask Blah! The PSB to get the PCT to Blah! Put another GPWSI in the MSK Black! Blah!'

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy interaction strategisation?'

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

'No, this is not the dream Cape Cod, 3BR, 2 1/2 BTH, 21 FT LR. This is the charming Dutch colonial, 2BTH, 4BR, L6 Deck, 6AR.'

With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

"Senior staff may have to be prepared to be flexible."

Computer Speak: 'Beware!...There is no such thing as a 'free launch'.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Torturing the English Language

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We have an acronym!"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

A Bloody Butcher

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"