It Specialist T-Shirts

"Go into Settings, Privacy, Activity Controls, Web Activity, Manage Activity, and deselect Giant Snake."

Early tech support

'Gone phishing.'

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

'Well, I told you not to open that attachment!'

I can be upgraded, can you?

"Apparently our smart house decided it didn't need us anymore."

"Ms Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel the call to tech-support."

'To improve security I used a two-factor authentication on my account: my social security number and my credit card number.'

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

Computer thinks: 'I'm sure it's got a mind of it's own!'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Oh, I forgot that you missed the meeting. Our data security team added some new protection when accessing patient data files."

'Before we begin I need to inform you that the computers in this row are not working and some of the passwords are not being accepted by all the computers.'

Pacemakers.

Woman bringing coffee cups to business people attending a video conference (via computer screens).

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

"We wanted patients to experience the human face of IT"

"Just so you know, I only tolerate your generation because you can troubleshoot my technology issues."

'We need to upgrade our computer system like yesterday.'

'I like to mix up my exercise routine. Sometimes I right click. Sometimes I double click...'

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'Normally, this project would require weeks of research and verification...but luckily there's an app for it.'

The cat had figured out how to work Ebay.

'He's our Spam expert!'

Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Data Base of Useless Information, 500,000,000 GB.

"It seems our new computer system is allowing us to implement idiotic ideas ten times faster than we've previously been able to!"

"Networks, databases, the internet, the web, where is it all going?" Computer answers - "I haven't made up my mind yet!"

"Someone hacked into his account. It's the third time this month he's renamed his cat."

'Newsflash: Experts are warning that overloading the Cloud with billions of bytes could cause massive rain and flooding.'

"By using the accelerated graphics port with the m202 riser we can implement a data trawl without the 8ot network blah,blah cascading through the network..."

'Oh my god! We've been the victims of cyber crime. . . someone on the other side of the world has paid all our bills.'

"Bad news- some kid just created an app that creates apps."

'Yes, I am bilingual. I speak English and Computerese.'