Ironic Bedtime Reader Pillows

Death reads a bedtime story.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'A Great Big Bang. An I-Can-Read Cosmology Book'

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Bedtime story.

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Fairtale prosecutions.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"I told you this would happen once you let her sleep on the bed."

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'