Interviewing Insiders T-Shirts

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Cat job interviews.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

Bad Interview Technique

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"