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"What other references do you have besides your mother?"

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

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Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Where do you see yourself five years from now? Dog years, of course."

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

"I'd give you a list of references but no one will admit they know me."

"My secretary will take charge of removing chairs, and eventually there will be just one of you left..."

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'You're smart enough for the job, but your phone isn't.'

'It's not a job; it's a calling. So, don't call us. It'll call you.'

"So when did you interest in health and safety start?"

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

"Do that thing where you leave."