Interview Prep Pioneer T-Shirts

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."