Interview Jugglers Pillows

"I can start Monday - but I'll need to leave early. I have another job interview that day at 3:15."

Children's Parties

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Well I like to think every cloud has a silver lining.'

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

You have reached the end of your brain...

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'This is serious. I think our area of expertise lacks a buzzword.'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Were there any new buzzwords created while I was out to lunch.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

'He spoke in millions...then I found out he was a bacteriologist.'

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"You ought to do what I do—have a few belts before you meet with the old man."

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."