Interview Coaches Prints

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.

"If you want to do well in your interview, my advice is not to be intimidated."

"First impressions are important. Maybe you should sharpen yourself before the interview."

I like the Jets...I guess

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I hate performance review season."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Cat job interviews.'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Bad Interview Technique

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Presenter Auditions.

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."