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101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

'Well, we're still tweaking a few bugs in our online ordering service...'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

Chasebook

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

"Honey, our pop-up blocker stopped working again."

"It says 'Click here to enlarge.'"

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

'Henry, cut that out.'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

Under New Mismanagement

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Internet Shoplifting

Beer Lunch

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

"What?!"

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Look, that peasant is eating something -- the economy's on the move again!'

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."