Interior Design Comedian T-Shirts

I LOVE what you've done with the place!

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Duck in a bathtub

Dog Bookends

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.

'Pssst. Go play in your new fun house or you'll hurt daddy's feelings.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

"What do you think?"

Fire Escapes

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"Reproduction furniture."

"The carpet really brings the room together."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

Budget Recliner

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

"There's slipping in the bath then there's slipping in the bath."

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

'It also makes a great hat rack.'

'Hey, I love the moat.'

"You know they're just plastic, and I know they're just plastic, but take them down."

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.

'I think the flat screen TV goes well next to my flat headed husband.'

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

'I told you it wouldn't fit through the door!'

Unfinished furniture.

'Oh, shoot! That's an 'H.'