Interior Design Comedian T-Shirts

I LOVE what you've done with the place!

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Still Life With Nordic Track

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Duck in a bathtub

Dog Bookends

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.

'Pssst. Go play in your new fun house or you'll hurt daddy's feelings.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

Fire Escapes

"What do you think?"

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

"Reproduction furniture."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

Budget Recliner

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

"You know they're just plastic, and I know they're just plastic, but take them down."

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

'It also makes a great hat rack.'

"There's slipping in the bath then there's slipping in the bath."

'I think the flat screen TV goes well next to my flat headed husband.'

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

'Hey, I love the moat.'

'I told you it wouldn't fit through the door!'

Unfinished furniture.