Insurance Irony Fan Prints

'I'd like to buy insurance to stop my insurance rates from going up.'

'We covered, officer. We're just having a hard time finding our insurance card.'

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

"Of course, this policy will exclude flood damage."

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

Yeah, your rates are very good, but your ads on TV just aren't funny enough

'There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that you're very ill, and the bad news is that your medical insurance has expired... Oh I'm sorry, did I say there was good news?'

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."

Larry knew how to close a sale.

'Your insurance only covers a semi-private room.'

"And that plan covers Acts of God, right?"

"You've got something very rare. Good health insurance."

'I'm afraid your late wife's life insurance policy didn't cover culinary disasters.'

"There is a cat in this basket and I want to take out baggage insurance that will insure that it gets forwarded to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere!"

'Do you drive a car, van or motorcycle?'

"These pills are $10 if you're paying for them... and $200 if your company is paying for them."

'According to this, the only drug your HMO covers is aspirin, and it has to be generic.'

'I'm sorry, but medical science still knows very little about high-deductible insurance.'

"Your HMO offers a vasectomy for $18,000 or a wedgie by Lennie for $14.95."