Injury Humorist Pillows

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

'I tried to shrug off my foot injury and dislocated my shoulders!'

Basketball injuries.

Pitchers arm falls off.

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'No I won't kiss it better!'

'It's an old high school football injury.'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

A Not So Grand Slam.

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'It's an old work injury.'

Cotton candy

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Stretcher Header.

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'Occupation?'

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

"Well done!"

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

Please Don't Ask...

'Very funny!'

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

'He tried to jump over the net.'

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

Mobile library.