Indoor Cat Sympathizer Gifts

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

Schrodinger's Black Box

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"It doesn't do anything all day but eat and sleep and get waited on by a staff of bipeds. I think we've found the leader."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Schrödinger and his cat

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

Mog The Week

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

Meow Power Demolition team.

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

Salvador Dali's cats.

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

'I want to talk about your efforts to increase sales, Robert.'

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Relax, it's cat fishing lure. I'm hoping to catch a dogfish."

Why cat yoga classes don't work

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

"Space is not for pussies!"

Zen Kitten