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"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Tree house.

'Jurassic Pork.'

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"I have such strong feelers for you."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'Tony can't come out to play now, he's on his orthodontopole!'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

...the onion rings

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Hamlet.

'I think therefore I ham.'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Optometrist practical jokes

"Go ahead and touch my light. It's made of boyfriend material."

"My new boyfriend is a golfer. . .he's very good with his putter!"

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

Surfin' the web.

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...