Humpty Dumpty Fans Pillows

"All the king's horses and all the king's men feel it's not in the national interest."

"Been injured in an accident? Tripped or fell? You may be entitled to compensation."

'Whoa, whoa, buddy, we don't serve no pickled eggs here.'

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'I meant a book report on 'Treasure Island,' not a report on the Muppet movie version.'

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'It's been murder since it was announced that eyes of newt might be a cancer cure.'

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"A poodle? It's sort of a dog with an afro."

'Your brains are scrambled.'

"I guess we shouldn't have called him Monty."

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

Ancient Egyptian Doctors

'I bought him off the Internet. Don't be alarmed if there's a small charge on your credit card.'

If Dogs Made Perfume

ONE LAST TIME! Where are the carrots!

Mummy Mousehole

'At least when they shear you, they finish the job... Look at me! I look ridiculous...'

'You've been approved. As collateral, we'll be holding your nuts.'

'A tough one, I'm afraid.'

Heat Wave Podium

'Why does the phone always have to ring when I'm out of the bath?!'

Saving for Winter.

"And now - Tomas de Torquemada, you have two minutes on your specialized subject; 'The sketches of Monty Python...'"

"I told you all that silly-walking could get your leg stuck like that!"

Pinochio's dad hammering nails in to Pinochio's bottom

Humpty Dumpty, at his peril, visits the great wall of china.

"It helps me unwind of an evening."

Bashing french speaking Canadians just makes you look like a proper moron.