Humorist With A Taste For The Finer Things Gifts

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Honest Vending

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

'Distracting the fish.'

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

Hotel mini-bar.

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Just when you think life can't get any worse."

"I think we have an ant problem"

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

I'm sorry, but Mr. Peters isn't seeing anyone today. He's busy maintaining his deniability.

The society for people who need it spelled out for them

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

"Take Away Food" tramp waiting round corner to pounce

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'

'Just bring us your best beers-all of 'em.'

'His snacks and his meals are beginning to OVERLAP!'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

'And I'm telling you, mister, that a cocktail served with no ice can't be a genuine 'Titanic' cocktail!'

So I said to them - what do you want, the shirt off my back?

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

'Frankly, if you're old enough to watch this show, you're probably too old to enjoy it.'

Slimmer's baguette.

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

Fruit & Fiber Optics.