Humorist With A Taste For Puns T-Shirts

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Do it yourself books.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'What's your poisson?' (Man reading report on Farmed Salmon Toxins Scare).

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"And that makes 6! That should be enough to cater for the function tonight. . ."

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

The static electric eel is very rare.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'