Humorist With A Taste For Puns T-Shirts

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Do it yourself books.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

Hotel mini-bar.

'What's your poisson?' (Man reading report on Farmed Salmon Toxins Scare).

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Weather forecast

"And that makes 6! That should be enough to cater for the function tonight. . ."

'You give me goose bumps!'

The static electric eel is very rare.

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'