Humor Intellectual Pillows

'I did create man in my image, but man evolved.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Albert Einstein

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

Zenemies.

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Schrödinger and his cat

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'And in conclusion.'

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

James Joyce.

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Auguste Comte

"What if it's smarter than us?"