Humble Ruler Pillows

'It's not a bad little kingdom - as kingdoms go.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

Gracie for Queen...of the universe.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

A politician's dream come true...

Jesus Christ

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

'Your Majesty could have gold fish in the moat.'

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

'If there were such a thing as reincarnation, I would prefer to come back as myself, of course.'

"Trust no one."

Caution Fragile

"Dear diary: Pillage, conquer, scheme, poison — same old thing. Plus, my new robe makes me look fat!"

'I know you're going to inherit the throne from your father, but I want you to go to medical school just in case.'

Exercise for the end of the day...

Clown King

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"I exiled the lot of them. How are your kids?"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"I have no problem with dictatorships; my problem is with not being the dictator."

"I want to be feared as a tyrant, loved as a father, and revered as a god, but I also want them to think I'm funny."

"Until you've abused it, you've never really tasted power."

"And the funny thing is, the humans still think THEY'RE in charge."

"Gifts like this ought to keep me humble."

'Let's see.... oh, dang! - 'Conquer Bosnia-Herzegovina'!'

'Where do I see myself in five years? -- Right here, I hope.'

“Please—outside of work I’m not your boss. I’m just Dave with the nicer car, bigger house, and three-hundred-dollar haircut.”

'You don't get all bent out of shape when LADY GODIVA does it!'

'Still musn't grumble it could be worse!'