Hr Processes Mugs

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm sending it around the office as we speak.'

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'Sorry you have the wrong background for the job.'

'What made this particular applicant for the job stand out?' 'He applied for the job.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

How leaders fail

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."