Housing Jokester T-Shirts

"Are you here about the sublet?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"I've downsized."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

"We're thinking of downsizing."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.