Household Strategist Gifts

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"She's a good housekeeper, divorced 3 times and kept the house every time!"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

The early days of Warren Buffett.

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'Except...That.'

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Zen Wall Street.

Feeding at the Trough

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"Right, 1:02 minutes to the corporate conference meeting."

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.