Household Chore Jam Master Mugs

"I'll just mow the lawn then I'll put myself forward to lead the Conservatives."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Kitchen Tetris

Washing Line Walker

Acclaimed mother.

"Please don't interrupt Mommy when she's in her gym slash office slash living room slash cafeteria."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"I didn't feel any 'earthquake'."

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

"Just empty it."

"Oh, gosh. . . he's sleep caulking again."

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

'Don't worry. If you gain a few pounds, I'll drop extra stuff on the floor for you to pick up.'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

'When he said he wanted to put me on a pedestal, it was only so I could dust the ceiling fan!'

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

"I knew it would be a silly idea to ask him to hang the washing out for me,"

'Well, dear, I did tell you to stay out of my way when I'm vacuuming!'

"Does he like those shorts you bought him for Christmas?"

'I TOLD you not to wash it in warm water!'

'Yes it's a conspiracy theory, he's never ever done the washing up.'

Home Schooling: "And this is what we call the 'washing machine'."

Tunnel of Laundry.

"It's your own fault! Remember when I told you to wash that shirt in cold water?"

'What's your washing dishes got to do with human rights?'

'Washing dishes, why?'

"Are you using the right size nail for mother's picture?"