Household Ceo T-Shirts

"Yes, our dishwasher is a smart appliance. But, you still have to actually put the dishes in it."

MOTHER: All generations of family pester her: Did you iron my shirt? Can I get my ears pierced? etc

'Mom, how old was I when dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

'Alert the troops I'm going back to work.'

'Mom's not home. I gave her the day off.'

"The toy only cost $1.99, but mom had to spend $20 on shears just to open the packaging."

Parenting Business Deals

"Okay, everyone...time to clean up the house. Gracie, what job do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'