Hospital Stories Prints

'Nurse, that isn't a catheter you've just inserted. It's the other end of my hosepipe!'

"He's one tough cookie. I've never seen anyone bounce back from an autopsy before."

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

Being Serenading in Casualty

Sorry!

'Does this mean no sex tonight?'

"How are you since you swallowed that £2 coin?. . .Has there been any change?"

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'