Hospital Joke Fans Pillows

'I don't think so. He's in the hospital because he was mauled by a bear.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."