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"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

"... or can we manipulate these statistics, and send him home."

The genesis of the term ICU: "Draft. I said I feel a draft."

F. Uh-oh

Minor Surgery

'I put your name down for hell and you've been provisionally accepted.'

'Tell 'em to go out there with all they got and win one for 'the gupper'.'

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'I hear you're not quite happy with your face lift Mr.Jones.'

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

Sign on the maternity ward door reads 'Push, push, push.'

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer