Horoscope Followers T-Shirts

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

"This isn't easy for me. I'm an Aries."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'I'm a Pisces.'

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

Curl up in front of a roaring fire tonight.

'I think the new convertible is because they're going through a mid-life Pisces.'

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

Your Star.

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

Gemini/people

Psychic news - 'This guy fancies me'.

"You're always in a bad mood when you visit."

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "