Honeymoon Humor Pillows

'But I've had a tiring day myself, darling!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Some Honeymoon!'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

Google Translate for Marriagese

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'I wanted a few words about your tax return - have I called at an inconvenient time?'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"