Honeymoon Humor Pillows

'But I've had a tiring day myself, darling!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Some Honeymoon!'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'