Home Reno Hero Mugs

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"She's been so creative lately."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

Pajama Day 743

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

Non-Drip ?

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

I love embroidery

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

Keep Fit.

A holiday at home

"Sorry, my report is blank. I just stayed home, watched tv and played video games during vacation."

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'Quick, press control Z!'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

Max P. and The Whole Ball Of Wax

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'