Home Makeover Aficionado T-Shirts

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

'Er . . . wouldn't it be simpler to have your glasses tinted, dear?'

"My mother didn't love me."

'What's wrong now, you said you wanted a new bathroom sweet?'

"Happy birthday, darling! Knowing how fond you are of colouring-in..."

'Damp. It's in case there's a fire.'

'I'll admit it, the basement is a little damp.'

'Hi, and welcome to Home Makeover from Hell.'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

"One of the perks of this home is that it gets warm or cold quickly."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Cat statues on entrance gate

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Letting him buy the stupid guns was the only way I'd ever get him to paint the house.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

"Would you go nuts if I paint EVERYTHING pink!?"