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Displacement activities for people who work from home...

Lawnmower

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Spring cleaning.

"Just empty it."

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

'We already have a helper monkey for that.'

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

"Who made this mess?"

Dryer Sheets: Lemon (scented).

'If we keep the grass short, predators are less likely to sneak up unnoticed...'

Nate Sure Abhors a Vacuum!

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

"I knew it would be a silly idea to ask him to hang the washing out for me,"

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"Let's do something really different and daring tonight to stimulate our marriage... Tonight I'll wash and you dry!"