Home Automation Specialist T-Shirts

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think my home assistant is stealing from me."

"Our smoke alarm is not only smart, it's also sensitive. Visiting a website that has a video of a fire set it off."

"Hold it, Harry. There's a new software update for our toothbrushes."

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

Claus 2.0

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

The Not-So Smart Meter

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

"I'm all for the internet of things - but I hate pop-up ads."

Doors labelled 'Mechanical Resources', and 'Human Resources

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."