Hollywood Professional Pillows

'Is somebody here implying that I was not really sick?' (Best Actor award on his desk.)

Will Smith

Jennifer Aniston

Rosario Dawson

Tom Hanks

Diane Keaton

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Canadian film production

Buster Keaton

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

"Which part are you reading for?"

Film Star Robert de Niro

Toenail clipping missile.

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

'Vital mission - movie parody'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"They tell me you're a man who has True Magritte."

Jim Carrey,

Martin Scorsese

Blockbuster Billion Club

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Quentin Tarantino